Keep Your Heart, Cousin, Keep Your Heart

18 years ago, yesterday, my little cousin was born. No longer a leggy little girl, this woman who is blossoming right before my eyes has a lot of challenges ahead of her. One, is that she is beautiful and personable, two attributes that can serve as a gift and a curse. Second, she is naive, yet exposed to the ills of the world due to overzealous parents, a horrible school system and, of course BET. And that is something ALL 18-year-olds in the city are faced with, so those aren't crippling blows.

But all isn't lost. And I haven't got her a present for her birthday just yet. Just because, I keep trying to think about the things that I needed as an 18-year-old that weren't given to me. And as corny as it is, I think the only thing I owe her is a stern talk about life. The life that, as an 18-year-old, nearly took me out.

I don't want to scare her. I just want to keep it real. Because no one ever kept it real with me. And I had no one to be honest with. I had no answers to any questions. I dared to question. I suppressed this eccentric, artistic, emotional, yet serious chick I was becoming. I wanted partying and bullshitting. Popularity and sexuality crippled me. I wanted all these things that grated against the real me. And boy, did I pay dearly for it.

So below is a list of facts that every 18 year old woman should know. Hopefully they will make the tumultuous time of early womanhood a little easier for my cousin.

1. Sex isn't all that.
You will have a better time admiring a boy from afar, singing about him, and lusting after him than actually having intercourse. Real talk. Get a vibrator and be the girl they all are waiting for. You will NEVER regret not sleeping with a boy.

2. Next year, you will probably have all new friends.
Or no friends at all. Here's the deal, in high school, the only problems you ever had to face with friends were about lip gloss and homework. It will get real in the next couple years. And it's okay, probably best to learn to manage your affairs on your own. The less people in your business, the easier solutions will come. Learn to have lighthearted friendships with most, and keep your truest self for a few.

3. You need a trade.
What are you good at? Figure it out fast. The older you get and the less you know who you are, the harder it will be to make money. And trust, the older you get, the more money you will need.
4. Don't have any kids before you are 25.
Now, this may be big cousin talking, but you have so many things to learn for the next couple years, don't burden yourself with the rearing of a child. Anything that's worth doing, is worth waiting for.

5. Condoms everytime.
20-somethings are a cesspool of disease. Real talk. Don't ever trust a man who wants to have raw sex with you. That means he has had raw sex with other chicks.

6. You don't need it.
Credit cards and other random things that can fuck up your money for years to come. Learn to be responsible with the little shit you got, and I believe wholeheartedly that God will reward you with more. Learn to budget, learn to save, and splurge on experiences instead of things. I'd rather have a week's vacation instead of a couple pair of expensive ass shoes.

7. Keep Your Heart, Part 1
Don't end up in jail over any man. Control your temper and learn to ride your emotions. Being a woman can be a rollercoaster. Before you act on any emotion, think of your diginity...maybe not the woman who you are, but the woman you want to be. Don't be influenced by anyone to act a damn fool...man or woman.

8. Keep Your Heart, Part 2
Guard yourself like you are a Brinks truck full of money. Don't put yourself in any situation with men to be taken advantage of. This includes emotionally, financally, physically, sexually and any other -ally that can harm you for years to come. The same with chicks. Don't ever give someone the advantage over you. Don't ever make anyone else's problems your problems. Learn to fight for yourself with words, actions and silence. If it comes down to you or them, pick you. Fuck them.

9. Forgive Your Parents
At sometime in your new future, you may become extremely pissed off at your parents for withholding something, not giving you something, or not being what you needed. Well, if they knew better they would do better. Evaluate who they are, and how they have enhanced you life. Also, take note of how they have hindered you. With that information, work on finding healthy ways to fill those voids. And forgive them for not being perfect. Because they probably had similiar beefs with their parents. It's up to you to break the generational curse.

10. Be Yourself
Trust the innate intuition that God gives you as a woman, and embrace your quirks. Take time out to learn something new everyday. Be open to everything and attached to nothing. Be flighty and free. Not because you are...but because you can. You have the world in front of you, so put youself in as many new situations as possible to learn who you are. Set personal goals and accomplish them. Learn to do any and all things you can in life.