miss me

the day was calm
the wind swarmed between
my arms and billowed
my new white cotton
blouse
i was sitting on the porch
outside my house
money's tight and
i was without a couch

he called
he took baby steps
made even smaller talk
he simmered with emotions
he fought his thoughts
he asked in spite of his hesitation
"you miss me?"

i brought laughter from a place
darkened by shame
reddened by hate
chuckles that were watered by wet eyes
giggles that were buried in lies and matured out of cries
i took a drag off my joint and pictured his eyes
he was squinting with fear,
i imagined
the smell of hyacinths filled my senses
smoke and flowers colored my response
"why"

"nevermind," he replied.
"I hope everything is cool with you and your guy."
the wind picked up but not for long
before i decided if i wanted to push the subject
move on his question like wind through plastic bags
i took another drag and
dead tones were on my phone
that and the songs of wind chimes
outside my semi-suburban home

just like when he was here
he was gone