Vibrate Much?

In the past couple days, I've masturbated more than I have in the past six months. At least three to four times a day. I don't even know when I've had the time to do all that, between fighting with my boyfriend and my other daily weirdo responsibilities.

I've been lonely though. And I've felt like shit. And the only thing besides gateway drugs that medicates me at this point are self-inflicted orgasms. But vibrating today is way different than vibrating when I wrote about it last year.

It's different because it is much quicker and less overall sensual than the sex I am used to. I've moved from prefering sex to masturbation. I delight more in the back and forth delight of making love with another person, not just myself. Or, am I losing sight of how to pleasure myself?

Have I moved from solo-think to total couple-think? I don't know. It's not that masturbation doesn't feel great and that I feel bad. It just emphasizes my lonliness. I mean, I could be feeling this way AND making him smile too.

Nevertheless, I masturbate and though the fire gets just as hot as orgasms flame throughout my body, and I think back to the marathon sessions of the past couple months, the weirdest thing is opening my eyes, journeying out of my imagination and realizing that I'm alone.