You Know You Love Donna!!!

Me with about 30 more pounds of makeup and skank.

I have a strong desire to start my own dating show, ala I Love New York. I think it’s an excellent idea to explore all of my options at once. It’s kind of a turn on to have several men vying for your attention. I’ve talked to my mother about this, my sister and my close friends. They all believe me to be nuts.

Nevertheless, it is hard to kill a fantasy. So considering the men I have currently in my pool, I’ve devised a crude, yet effective means of tracking my affections for them. I’ve made up nicknames and vague descriptions of these guys, in the hopes that I can make the best dating decisions for me. I’d love to go out with each of them and then compare notes, but seeing that I’m busy as hell, that would take months. So I will go out with one of these fellows, if you tell me to, I promise.

Suave

This brother is clean and collected. He would have been a Kappa if he wasn’t such an individual. He’s career driven and hard working. A nice dresser and is always immaculate…from conversation to cologne.

Pros: Suave is stable. He’s one of those guys that you can take anywhere and knows how to handle himself in social situations. He’s sexy, but not overt. His lowkeyness is a nice compliment to my sometimes big personality.

Cons: Is this dude for real? Does he ever laugh or stumble or get drunk and loosen up? As much as I like stability, this guy’s “Courvoisier and Small Talk” attitude is kind of boring me.

Hood Figga

I met him in a club, on some ignorant shit. I could tell he was immediately enamored with me. He’s from the hood and has never touched natural hair before. He’s got the gutter passion in his eyes. He’s from Cleveland, has no kids, a steady job and a big ass dog.

Pros: He is pretty much impressed with all of my quirkiness, which I think is cool. He has sort of a hood sophistication that I think is sweet. He wants a family, has a core of responsible friends and isn’t looking for drama. That’s cool.

Cons: He’s still on BlackPlanet, and his friends call him Pooh. I’m not sure about his personal style…and though he likes the artsy, funky thing I got going on now…will he understand me in the long run? Plus, Donna’s not so sure she’s ready to move to Cleveland and live with somebody’s big ass dog.

Mr. Connecticut

The most cosmopolitan of all the men I know, this guy is heavy into music, nice things, culture and living life. He’s from the East Coast, and has this Hip Hop individuality that I really love. He’s older and more mature than me, so a lot of my mind games and shit don’t work on him. He needs a woman who wants to be a jetsetter and is looking for the finer things in life. He offers me a lot more opportunity and probably has the most appeal.

Pros: This guy is pretty hot. Not only in the looks department, but he gives me the most opportunity to get my Beyonce “Upgrade U” on. He wants a woman who can do for him what Martin did for the people. He wants to go to London on a whim. Yet he still has this regularness about him. He’s big into culture, and I love that. He says he wouldn’t mind me moving east with him, and exploring myself as an artist while he pays for everything. Ay bay bay.

Cons: This nigga is a little too cool for school. He has stood me up like three times and some of his love for me seems a little too good to be true. His expression that he needs a woman in his life sometimes seems like he wants somebody to do all the shit he doesn’t want to do. He has two kids, one who just learned how to drive. Umm, Donna and a 16 year old…I don’t think so!

Mr. Keys

The newest of the bunch. This guy is chock full of personal style and creativity. He plays the piano, and because I have a weakness for creative men, I really, really want to see him stroke those keys. He’s very passionate about everything he does. He’s a gentleman and has no kids.

Pros: This is the guy I’m the most curious about. He’s witty, yet the most mysterious. After seeing him out and about, I probably think about him the most. He always leaves me something to remember him about….especially his casual references to his sexual technique and whatnot. Yeah.

Cons: There are a couple very distinct things about this guy that makes me not want to date him. First off, he’s short. Not like, short for a chick. I mean, short, like 5’4 or something. Every time I see him in the club, I have to slither down the wall in order to get on his level. Second, I’ve slept with his friend. It wasn’t anything serious, and it wasn’t even good. But it happened…I mean, I don’t care…but I don’t know what he would think about it. Third, I don’t think he’s used to dealing with women like me. So I’d have to cut him if he ever made a big deal about sleeping with me. Fourth, this would obviously be more about sex than finding a real relationship. I don’t see me bringing this short nigga to my parents’ house.

Fantasy Boy

The threat to everyone in my dating pool. Probably the most flawed of all my prospects, but the one I have the most chemistry with. We work well together. We challenge each other. We are both weird. He’s pretty much the hottest guy I’ve ever nailed and the only one who pushes my buttons. If he were stable and committed, he’d be the one.

Pros: A perfect combination of smart, wit, personal style, creativity and introspect. He isn’t even threatened by the idea of me dating other men, and that confidence is sexy. I see myself becoming more of a zany artist under his tutelage. The only guy I’m really passionate about.

Cons: He’s unstable. He’s broke. He has baby mama drama. He has ex-girlfriend drama. He has random hoe issues. He can’t be monogamous. He’s jealous. He’s lazy. I don’t think his momma likes me and his family is loony. He can be tacky and low ball his talent. There is a fantasy life I see us living, but then again, I can see myself taking care of him, being knocked up, with Kool-Aid red weave, chasing chicks away too.

Cadillac

This is the guy that reminds me the most of my father. He is somewhat quirky, yet very stable and knows how to take care of a woman and a family. He was an ex-boyfriend from college who I told needed to change…and he did. Now, he is focused on his career and getting ready to get married. He’s old school, and kind of country. He dresses nice and is a cutie baby.

Pros: Cadillac is the guy who knows and understands me the most. He lets me be me and isn’t scared by my weirdness. He gets the thumbs up from my sister. He wants to take care of me….shit, he took me to Las Vegas and I didn’t pay for a thing! He has a cool job on the West Coast and says I can come stay with him.

Cons: Probably the least passionate of all of the guys, I know Cadillac wants me…but he isn’t charming. He only knows how to do it one way; hard and fast. He isn’t romantic in the least, and can be kind of cheap. He wants to do the same thing for the next 30 years and that’s it…I may get bored with that. He’s also jealous and very, very light skin.

So who should I go out with?